Saturday Night Wilding

It was a surprisingly cool August evening this past Saturday that brought around several of the neighbors to Fred's house for a flamingo-less flamingo (i.e. another round of adult beverage consumption minus the kiddies splashing in the pool and interrupting another championship round of cornhole). Bim Bim, J. Wilder and 10pm along with their spouses showed up for what would turn out to be a very interesting turn of events. While the ladies sat outside on the deck drinking a bottle of syrah, the lads decided to get in a quick BC4M tasting session. Seasonal beers are popping up all over so we started the night off with a Dogfish Head Punk (7.0%), which is their take on the ever trendy pumpkin flavored beer. This is definitely not your typical nutmeg and allspice flavored bottle of mediocrity that shows up each autumn in the beer section. Boasting a strong malt flavor that was balanced with just the right amount of pumpkin flavors, this is one refreshing bottle of greatness so it got a really good. A bomber from Ballast Point, Sculpin IPA (7.0%) was opened next. A west coast style IPA, this one was "astringent" according to 10pm, while the rest of the gang thought it was really good, both hoppy and full of kick but still a notch below Pliny. This one isn't quite as smooth as our all time favorite IPA, but it still was quite tasty. Two Belgium beers were offered next from Brouwery Fonteinen. First was Oude Geuze (6.0%). Geuze or "Ger-zah" is a blended lambic that is considered the champagne of Belgium due to its high carbonation. This one opened like a bottle rocket and was blonde and bubbly like a giggling tree-huggerette who adores kittens. The taste was sour, musty and cidery, and Fred suggested maybe this was a mislabeled bottle of white wine vinegar. So-so at best, we moved on to a Oude Kriek (6.0%). Kriek is the dutch word for cherry, and this type of beer is made with sour Dutch cherries. "Sour as fuck" said Bim, as he pursed his lips as if he had just eaten a jar of rotten pickled eggs. Another so-so since Fred and Wilder like the sour beers, while Bim and 10pm said "this shit sucks". Another pumpkin beer, this time Weyerbacher Imperial Punkin Ale (8.0%). Unlike Punk, this beer tasted as if Grandma was baking pumpkin pies in the bottle. Sugary, spicey and like a jar of pumpkin paste, this one was way overboard in the pumpkin flavor so it got a so-so. Two growlers from Outer Banks Brewing Station were on the agenda next, the first was Abracadabra Brown Ale (5.3%) which offered about as much substance as a salt and gluten free Ritz cracker. "This is awful" said Fred, as Bim declared that this growler of baboon urine had obviously been filled with Vitalis Hair tonic. We poured it out and tried Outer Banks Brewing Station Dog House Tripel (9.5%). This supposed Belgian style tripel caught the taste buds of 10pm who rarely exudes more than a so-so or "Nope, don't like it" for most of the beers we try. This one garnered a smile and a "Damn, I like this" from a Founding Father that was out well past his bedtime. We looked at the clock and it showed it was almost the witching hour, so we decided to try one more beer before we called it a night. Dogfish Head Theobroma (9.0%) is a beer made from a recipe found on 1200 year old clay pottery that was excavated from Aztec ruins in Central America. Since the ancient people who wore loincloths and murdered hot virgins by tossing them off their temples also liked spicy alcoholic chocolate drinks, the boys at DFH decided to try and make a beer like the Aztecs might have toasted while deciding which busty double d'd young coed they should chuck off the roof next. The beer was decent, but it only rated a good since it tasted like a bottle of bubbly Yoo-Hoo. They obviously put some mescalin or some other hallucinogen in the bottle, because it caused 10pm to decide that the group needed to go on a recon mission in the neighborhood. Coincidentally, both Big Mike and Snake along with their brides were off on a 14 day yacht cruise up the Ganges river, so that left their homesteads ripe for an old-fashioned wilding by a group of intoxicated rabble rousers with nothing better to do. We took Fred's brand new inflatable Dallas Cowboys yard ornament with us and arrived at Casa de Snake and set it up in his living room. Bim, notorious for molesting all types of yard ornaments as well as four legged pets, promptly took to butt wrangling poor "Rowdy".
As we howled with laughter, 10pm suggested we "christen" each room of Snake and Big Mike's houses. As we each took a turn in the various rooms in both mansions, we saw the boys of the BC4M soiling the garden tub,

a pair of lovebirds doing what lovebirds do in the shower

a poor stuffed hippo getting stuffed

a kitty litter box being used by a urinating guitar hero

and finally a group orgy in Big Mike and Snap Peas bed

Yes dear readers, those are actual pictures of the marauding band of vagrants with nothing better to do on a Saturday night than terrorize empty houses. Maybe it was the full moon, maybe the psychedelic beer from DFH, but whatever it was, we had a blast. Next time you go out of town, maybe you too will enjoy a visit from the CHC party patrol..